Dude! And other Sacred Shit

Found a kindred spirit with an interesting blog. You might want to check it out. http://www.dudeandothersacredshit.blogspot.com/

Murphy's Constant

In 1984 I began my career as a chemical dependency professional. During that time, I have worked in all facets of the treatment of addictions–from county detox to high-end inpatient hospitals. For over 10 years, I taught college-level courses to students seeking careers in this field. Over the years, my knowledge and ideas about addictions have changed, but I have come to one irrefutable conclusion.

When I first began working as a counseling intern, I apprenticed under many seasoned professionals. I shall always remember one in particular–Murphy–who shared with me a truth that it has taken me over 26 years to fully appreciate.

One day I was sitting in on Murphy’s group session. He asked all the members of the group to identify the reasons they drank or used other drugs. As each member gave their reasons, he would write them on a whiteboard. After about 15 minutes, everyone had given their reasons for drinking/using. Murphy then took an eraser and erased all of the reasons. In their place he wrote a single word–ESCAPE. He went on to say that all the reasons they gave for drinking and using were accurate, but NOT for addicts. Addicts do not drink or use for any of the reasons “normal” people do. Addicts use their addiction for one purpose only–to escape.

Now of course there are multiple interconnected reasons for addictions–biological, social, behavioral, and psychological. But as any addict knows, stopping the addiction is not the problem–staying stopped is. So aside from all the biochemical mutations and stimulus-response reinforcement, once a person stops engaging in their addiction, why do they resume? This is where I believe Murphy’s principle comes in (since “Murphy’s Law” is already taken, let’s call this “Murphy’s Constant”).

Murphy’s Constant states that the psychological baseline of ALL addictive behavior is the desire to escape. Escape from what? Of course we can come up with all the typical answers–poverty, loss, hardship, etc., but I think the answer is more basic. Addicts want to escape from self–from the prison of being trapped within their own mind. A mind that has been poisoned since birth with other people telling them why they’re “wrong” and “not good enough.” Telling them what they “should” and “shouldn’t do.” A life of trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations and constantly falling short. This is what drives the addict back into the embrace of addiction. For a few sweet moments, they are finally OK and receive a brief respite from the relentless disappointment in being themselves. During those fleeting moments, the addict does not have to dwell in the space between their ears. Oh that they could only remain in this state–free of the shackles of self.

And so, the addict returns again and again hoping to break free if only for an ever briefer time rather than remain in the endless misery that is their life. You see suicide and addiction are much the same in this regard. A person who is suicidal doesn’t want to end any life–they want to end THEIR life. Why? Because continuing to live as they have has become too unbearable.

So, if escape is what the addict is seeking, what is the answer? Well when it comes to someone wanting to escape, there are two obvious solutions: 1) Make it more difficult to escape; or 2) Get rid of the reasons for wanting to escape. The abysmal failure of our 40-year-old “War on Drugs” provides ample evidence of the futility of option one. So what about option two?

The more I am free to live my life the way I choose–the less reason I have for wanting to escape. The less I allow the opinions of others to define me–the more I want to stick around (both physically and psychologically). In short, I will no longer seek escape from me because being me is better than anything else.

Thanks Murphy!

Happy New Year!

I generally don’t like New Year’s resolutions. First, you don’t have to wait until the New Year to initiate change. Second, if it was something you really wanted to change, you would have started already. That being said, I continue to resolve that in the New Year I will endeavor to be as true to myself as I can. To paraphrase Shakespeare, if you are true to yourself, you cannot be false to anyone else. I firmly believe that hiding our true selves is what lies at the root of addictions, depression, and ultimately–suicide. The constant thought that we are “wrong” or “bad” and have to live up to the expectations of others in order to be liked makes life miserable. If I cannot be comfortable within my own skin, I cannot be comfortable around anyone else. No matter how much time I spend with anyone else, I’m with me 24/7. Obviously, if I don’t like me life is going to be a dreary journey. If I do like myself, it’s going to be a wild ride. I’d better hang on!