For every answer, there's a whole new set of questions. Now I'm facing some big ones. I just had a profoundly spiritual transformation that was facilitated by drinking an Amazonian shamanic brew that contains a schedule one controlled substance. And to complicate matters just a bit more–I'm a substance abuse counselor. This is why the word "dilemma" was invented. Oh well, often answers to the most profound spiritual and existential questions involve transcending apparent contradictions.
This was a spiritual crossroad in my life. Was I going to be true to myself, or to everyone else's ideas of who I "should" be? Choose one, and I risk not only possible alienation by my family and friends, but potential loss of my career. Choose the other, and I continue allowing my spirit to die a little more each day. If the consequences affected just me, the answer would be easier. But I have to think about Christina as well. How might my decision impact her?
Right in the middle of all this–the Universe decides to manifest this quandary within my physical body. August 2002. It was a Monday and I was getting ready to go to work. For about a week I'd been experiencing physical symptoms that seemed like heartburn. They would only last for about 20 minutes. Once, the "heartburn" was accompanied by some slight nausea and I seemed to have a little trouble breathing. Monday morning I had the "heartburn" again, along with numbness and tingling in my left arm (I think you see where this is going). Christina insisted I call the Group Health Consulting Nurse before going to work. I promised her I would. The nurse told me to go to immediately to St Joseph Hospital ER. About two hours later I was having emergency angioplasty to relieve a 100% blockage in one of my coronary arteries. For at least a week I was having small heart attacks. I could have dropped dead anytime and probably would have if I'd gone to work that Monday.
My heart problem was probably due to the extra 40+ pounds I was packing around, but I believe that living out of synch with what I believed to be true didn't help. I decided that I'd wasted enough of my life trying to live up to everyone else's expectations. Whatever it took and whatever the consequences–I was going to find a way to start living with more authenticity and integrity. This blog is the latest installment in that ongoing experiment.
A major challenge was going to involve the perceived contradiction between my profession–a substance abuse counseling specialist–and the latest accompaniment on my spiritual voyage–DMT in the form of an ayahuasca analog. The "problem" was not one that I struggled with–to me there was no contradiction between the two. It was more a problem of society's perceptions, misunderstandings, and prejudices. There's also the legal conundrum it presents (more on that in another post).
It really comes down to an issue that is often brought up by many of my clients–especially those who smoke pot. They often want to take the focus off their own issues with marijuana by arguing that is should be legal. My response–the legality or illegality of a drug has little, if anything, to do with whether or not a person develops a significant problem with that drug, and it definitely has nothing to do with recovery from such problems. Alcohol and tobacco–two legal drugs–are directly and indirectly responsible for far more deaths and social problems than all other drugs combined. In the U.S. only about 8% of people who consume alcohol develop alcoholism during their lifetime. The other 92% enjoy alcohol throughout their life without problems. Substance abuse counseling is about helping people who have major life problems due to the misuse of alcohol or other psychoactive drugs. It's not about enforcing societal prohibitions on people who are not causing problems for themselves or others (that's what law enforcement does).
If I use a psychoactive substance in a responsible manner as part of my spiritual practice and it presents no potential harm to others, what exactly is the problem? How does this have anything to do with my helping people who DO have substance use problems? What if it helps me to be a more effective counselor, or helps me to be a better person and member of society?
I rest my case (for now).
Sounds a little like justifying.
ReplyDeleteThe Native American doing peyote has a "spiritual" experience based on a lie.
The true spiritual experience was the walk with the elk (and not always with an animal or other 'natural' encounters)
When taking mind altering substances, the encounter with the elk would not have happened, thus true spirituallity is denied.
I will address the issue of what constitutes a "true" spiritual encounter in a future post. Your opinion is a common one and I'm sure whatever I have to say on the subject will sound like "justifying." Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Namaste!
ReplyDeleteSir, you are on a slippery slope, especially in light of your professed past. Whereas the substance may bring on what in your eyes (and brain) is a spiritual awakening, just consider the words of a back street philosopher - Hoyt Axton (one does not have to be a college professor to have insight and knowledge of the world around us) "He said he wanted Heaven but prayin' was too slow -So he bought a one way ticket on an airline made of snow" Snowblind Friend
ReplyDeleteFortunately, I know how to ski and hope I can negotiate any slippery slopes without breaking anything. :) I understand and appreciate your concern for my well-being, as the drug war propaganda has convinced most people that all psychoactive substances are the same (a drug is a drug is a drug). Actually there are significant differences. You might be interested to learn that some of these substances have successfully been used in helping people to overcome their addictions. It’s not well-known among the general public (and even many AA members) that Bill W. (AA’s co-founder) participated in early experiments using LSD to treat alcoholism. He thought it showed great promise in helping facilitate the spiritual experience, which he felt was the cornerstone of recovery. I hope you keep reading and commenting. Namaste!
ReplyDelete